Confessions of a Serial Dater

"Taking it one date at a time"

Friday, May 28, 2010

Don't Breathe.


Saturday, May 1, 2010

Say Cheese....

Ok, so ask me about my date last night....

Wow, when he sent me his picture I thought he was too good to be true. So, being the ever-too-hopeful girl I am, I had a few phone conversations with him.. He was cute enough to be a model for Abercrombie & Fitch, or GAP, or some such store. Smart, funny, responsible--why would a guy like that want to find love online?

It never occurred to me to ask why, in his picture, he wasn't smiling.

That was for me to find out -- I almost had a heart attack when "he" came to pick me up for our date (something I do not recommend to others, for just this reason).. he was so cute and as I opened the door to smile at him, he smiled back. And then I almost fell over backwards. NOT in a good way!! When he smiled, it all became clear why he did not want to display his "pearly whites" (yellows? taupe’s?) in the picture!! Okay, I am sure everyone has heard the term "chiclets" used to describe someone's teeth before...I almost want to use that term, because of the small square shape of them, but given their irregularity and the wide gaps between them, he suddenly in my head became "corn tooth boy"!!! And of course was one of those guys who insisted on holding hands during the whole movie, which was making me squirm with disgust but I did it to be nice--and then I actually feigned falling asleep in the car in the hopes he wouldn't try to kiss me good night--no such luck--it was all I could do to escape with a quick "thank you" and a wave before I ducked into my house!!! That in itself was a scary enough experience to make me NEVER want to meet anyone online again!!

But of course I will. Keep taking it one date at a time.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

5 Signs He is Just Not That Into You

1. He only calls you after midnight, and by "calls" I mean texts.
2. He has a habit of forgetting simple things, like your name.
3. When a fast food cashier asks "you two together?" when paying, he answers,” It’s not serious"
4. When he unexpectedly sees you in public, he looks away while making a finger moustache.
5. He keeps hinting about a threesome with you and your hot friend, or just your friend.

Dating in the Dark. Would You ?

Dating in dark venues is the latest way to meet your potential match. Experts say the benefit is that when you don't obsess about looks, you can focus on personality and ultimately find a better match. I personally believe that you need to be attracted to the whole package including looks. What do you think?

Sunday, April 25, 2010

WTF ?!

So, Larry King is getting his 8th divorce, Elizabeth Taylor is possibly getting married for a 9th time, Jesse James and Tiger Woods are screwing EVERYTHING, yet the idea of same-sex marriage is what is going to destroy the institution of marriage? REALLY?"

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

5 Signs That He Is Not Over His Ex...

1. He's in a big hurry to get serious with you.
2. He's friends with her but never ever has the two of you in the same room.
3. He compares you to her, often.
4. He's on speaking terms with all of his exes.. except for her.
5. He puts down her new boyfriend.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

A Girl Has To Do...

A girl has to do what a girl has to do. Uhho, you know anytime I say that it must mean trouble !

Well I'm still really upset about Cowboy. Did I mention he is a shithead ?! Well I went out with the girls last night and had a little too much fun. I ran into my ex and thing led to another. I thought I would give him a little hands on "action", pulling out some of my best moves. I didn't have any lube so I pulled out the closest bottle of lotion I could find and away I went.I was a woman on a mission. He definately helped me forget about "shithead" for awhile. Yeah Baby !


This morning when I woke up, I noticed that my hand was competely bright orange, like I had been soaking in Doritos all night. I didn't know why until I looked over and saw the lotion on my night stand.

It was my self tanner. Uhho. Shit. Sure enough when he rolled over, he was sporting a faux tan of his own down there! Oh well he was already an ex right ?!